Sunday, December 29, 2013
Honey Smoothies
Friday, December 20, 2013
Out of the way, it's a busy day... I've got things on my mind...
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| A Christmas Card from long ago... |
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Thanksgiving and Leftovers
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| No Stuffing at the First Thanksgiving... Just the way it should be |
Thanksgiving. It's less than a week away. Well, at least for us Americans. Our neighbors to the north, those silly Canucks, had their own Thanksgiving a month ago (October 14th to be exact). Tiffany, Sam and I are headed to our neighbors to the south however, to the land of those silly Iowegians, better known as Iowa. My brother is finishing his final year at Wartburg Theological Seminary and thus, it is our last (and first) chance to go visit him whilst he's down there. Thankfully, it's not too far.
Thankfully, Sam is old enough to not freak out too much on long car rides anymore. However, after this Christmas, I think the fam and I will let everyone come to us for holidays. I think we'll just stay home for holidays from now on, wherever that home may be. I'm thankful we have a home to stay home in.
However, thankfulness is something that I need to work on. I seem to have let some thankfulness slip over the years. I remember having to write Thank You cards after Confirmation, Graduation, Wedding, Baby Shower... and then neglecting to do so for the Confirmation and Graduation. Having to be reminded constantly was really... saddening, even though I still didn't do it. Why was I reluctant to Thank people? Why are we reluctant?
I was reluctant this month to thank the Luther Seminary donors for my scholarship. Yes, I received a scholarship to come here. I was awarded it this spring when I met a few of my current classmates for the first time. There were about 20 of us; we were all promised a scholarship, and told there were multiple FREE RIDE scholarships. I had my hopes, dreams and sights set on one of those FREE RIDE scholarships. Why not hope? Because I'm not THAT special. That's why not.
I should have known that the lowest possible scholarship was going to be mine, and not bothered to hope for anything more. Yes, I got a scholarship, but it was the lowest possible scholarship they offered. When I first heard that I received the scholarship, I was hurt. I worked so hard, tried my darnedest in the entire process, and I got the leftovers. I was more hurt than thankful, when I should have been overjoyed to hear such wonderful news. Many of my classmates had no such scholarship. Some received better ones, some received FREE RIDE scholarships. I got the leftovers.
| Even the leftovers say "Thank You" |
If they had based it on economic need instead of grades and activities, I might have been able to get a better scholarship, maybe even a fabled FREE RIDE scholarship. However, it seemed their priorities were stacked against me, and I'll have to be alright with that. I'll have to be thankful for those leftovers.
It's sometimes hard for us to thank people for stuff we don't feel thankful for.
It's hard to thank the great aunt who gives you a loaf of bread for your birthday.
It's hard to thank the ex-girlfriend who gives you a coloring book for Christmas.
It's hard to thank the new mother-in-law of your recently remarried father for pajamas.
It's hard to thank the donors for a leftover scholarship.
It's hard to thank sometimes. But it doesn't mean that we shouldn't.
I know I should have thanked the donors, I just... didn't make it a priority.
It's hard sometimes, when I really am thankful for things, and I can't contain my gratitude. How can we differentiate so much on what we are thankful for?
It's easy to thank God for family.
It's easy to thank God for friends.
It's easy to thank God for the food on our plates.
It's easy to thank God for the life we have.
It's easy to thank sometimes. But it doesn't mean that we shouldn't.
So what about those leftovers?
| Oh yeah... those leftovers... |
Friday, November 8, 2013
Something Better
Friday, November 1, 2013
A week before the 75th Anniversary of Kristallnacht...
References
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Fine and Grateful
Grateful. Merriam-Webster Online defines grateful as
grate·ful
adjective \ˈgrāt-fəl\
The website goes on to show the origin as:
obsolete grate pleasing, thankful, from Latin gratus
Grace is the root of many words, including this one. In my Greek studies, χάρη or χάρις is the word meaning Grace. My Greek professor, Dr. David Fredrickson has said that the word could go further on to mean gift. Gifts are freely given, without requirement for anything in return. Grace is freely given, and we should indeed be grateful. To be grateful for being fine is grace enough. The man in the Drive-Thru was grateful for being fine. Shouldn't we all be grateful for being fine? Shouldn't we all be grateful for grace?
It's 'Parent-Teacher' conference time at the church, and the conferences are about me. That's right, I've started my first emotion-filled war at church, and hopefully it ends today.
Without getting into too much detail, as Youth Ministry Intern here at church, it is my duty to coordinate and lead 7-12gr activities including Confirmation. There's also a Sunday evening group that meets every other Sunday night called 'Ignite'. It was my understanding that this group was a chance for me to get to know the 7-12graders better, to have them get to know me better, and to share the Bible and life lessons with these students.
However, I wasn't received well and I soon found out that I was not doing things correctly. You see, with my educational background somewhat in Communication Studies, I know a little bit about communication theory. As part of many Comm Studies classes, we studied a theory called Expectancy Theory. I may have butchered this a little, but this theory basically states that if one is engaged in an action, and this action continues to happen, one expects a certain result from this activity. When that activity is disrupted with change, a different result can happen. When this different result happens, the original expected result is missed, and conflict can happen.
If one expects a person to act a certain way based on previous experiences, and then the person acts a different way, in an unexpected way, one can become uncomfortable in the result, and sometimes long for the original result. Conflict happens in this uncertainty.
Thus, I created conflict by acting a different way than was expected. The students at church expected 'Ignite' to be a certain experience. I created a different scenario for them due to my ignorance of past events. I had limited knowledge of previous 'Ignite' experiences, and thus I created a new 'Ignite' experience based on my understanding of the situation and the desires of the students.
I engaged them in deep discussions based on topics of classism and identity (two topics close to my heart), but they were expecting different conversations. I engaged them in talks about the Gospel for that Sunday, in texts that I could talk about. They expected none of that.
I gave them different results than their expected notions of what 'Ignite' was, and I created conflict without trying. I had no idea what they wanted, desired, or expected. I had a basic framework of what I thought it should be, and I was going against the grain of what the students wanted, desired, and expected.
So, on Reformation Sunday, I had expected to talk to the students about Martin Luther and the idea of change and Reformation. I was able to, but the students co-opted the discussion and gave a presentation on what they expected 'Ignite' to look like, and how I was to change my practices. We eventually came to an agreement, but I had to thump a Bible on my chest a few times for the students to get the picture.
Fine and Grateful. We should all be grateful for what we have. I'm grateful that I have such a great opportunity for ministry at this church, even with this rough reformation (or is it rough-ermation?)
I pointed out to the students that they wished to re-form their 'Ignite' experience to where it was once before. However, the irony is that I had already brought a re-forming of 'Ignite' and hopefully with the eventual conclusion of this conflict, the 'Ignite' experience will be finally resolved and reformed. What that will look like, we will have to see. But, in the end, we will be fine, and we will be grateful.
αμην
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Thoughts on Classism
It's a word that shouldn't need to exist, but does. I shouldn't have to learn about it, yet at the same time everyone should know about it.
People say that hindsight is 20/20, so classism is easier to see now that I know what it is and how it's used, but looking back, it was everywhere. Growing up in the school and town that I did was partially rough on me, but was very formative and made me who I am today. However, it didn't necessarily need to be that way. Kids would make fun of me for all sorts of reasons: my underbite, my hand-me-down clothes, my religiosity, and my political thoughts...
I had a 'friend' on the school bus that would point out my less-than-cool clothes, my less-than-hygienic hair and my free lunches at school. He blamed all of my 'problems' on my dad. My mom worked, but it was my dad who supposedly didn't work hard enough. Thus, because of my father's 'laziness', I was relegated to a lower class bracket. I wasn't cool because my parents were 'lazy'.
So I went to school everyday, enjoying my free lunches, wearing my less-than-stellar clothes with my not-so-clean hair... being made fun of because I looked different or something... Who knows. Kids can be downright evil sometimes.
I knew I wasn't one of the cool folks. I knew I was going to stay on the bottom of the barrel for the remainder of my school career. As I grew older, I learned to accept this fate, and made friends with similar backgrounds and similar socioeconomic status.
Whodathunk that 10-15 years later wearing old clothes with messy hair was going to be the 'cool' thing...
Whodathunk that all of those things people made fun of me for was because my parents were 'lazy'...
Because that was the reason we were poor after all, and thus a reason to be stigmatized and ridiculed...
Because my parents made less money than most everyone else, and thus I was shamed for such...
Because classism exists, and thus kids start at an early age to recognize class...
Because class is why all of the decisions are made, and thus who is cool and who is not...
I broke away. I broke away from all of that 'cool' crap, but classism still haunts me today.
I am here today to say that classism exists, and we need to fight against it.
In the context of churches and ministry, it is clear that churches are filled with both the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'. Seminary is filled with both the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'... Life is filled with both the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'...
But in the church context, it should not be so obvious. Church is for everyone, and All Are Welcome.
Whodathunk that church dinners are still being used more for fundraisers than for feeding the hungry...
Whodathunk that Sunday School and Confirmation students are being charged money by the head...
Grace is freely given to ALL, and thus ALL church dinners should be a free-will-offering...
Grace is freely given to ALL, and thus ALL students deserve and require free education...
Yes, that is right. I'm tired of seeing dollar signs in front of food at churches. I'm tired of seeing dollar signs on top of Sunday School/Confirmation registrations. This needs to stop. If we are truly members, stewards, leaders of the Christian faith, then we must hold fast to the fact that ALL are welcome.
Putting dollar signs in front of church dinners, Sunday School/Confirmation registrations and every other activity that should be free is more of a barrier than anything beneficial.
If a church is charging for Sunday School/Confirmation registration, then they might as well consider the students more like cattle than students if the dollar signs above the students' heads are worth more to the church than the students' education.
Education in general, should be and always should have been free, but that is another thought for another time...
Classism exists. We must fight it. Half the battle can be won if people begin to learn what classism looks like. Then armed with the knowledge, we might begin to stem the tide of tyranny.
Amen.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Us and Them... (And after all, we're only ordinary men...)
If you're reading this and you're unaware of my affinity for Pink Floyd, you now know my favorite band and my new favorite song by them (it has changed often). This brief thought might help to explain why.
Their album, Dark Side of the Moon is one of their most popular records, and probably one of their most influential. Anecdotally, (Yes, it's a word... but not really) I was once at an LCM lunch back in Moorhead wearing one of my Dark Side of the Moon shirts (I have three) and a student (who seemed to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING) said that she enjoyed my shirt. She loved him (in reference to I assume Mr. Pink Floyd of course...) and his album 'Bad Moon'... I smiled, nodded and went up to go get more food, chuckling to myself as I remembered other people assuming there was a Mr. Pink Floyd, as much as there was a Mr. Led Zeppelin...
Well I've always had a deep respect,
And I mean that most sincerely.
The band is just fantastic,
that is really what I think.
Oh by the way, which one's Pink?
- Have a Cigar - Pink Floyd
http://www.pink-floyd-lyrics.com/html/have-a-cigar-wish-lyrics.html
Us and Them is stuck mostly in the middle of the album, tucked between two of their more famous tracks from the album, Money and Brain Damage (which utters the words "I'll see you on the dark side of the moon"). So unless one listens to the album all the way through, they may skip this song with snippets of progressive lyrics which still ring true today:
Us, and them
And after all we're only ordinary men.
Me, and you.
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do
Black and blue
And who knows which is which and who is who.
Up and down.
But in the end it's only round and round.
Down and out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about.
With, without.
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
http://www.pink-floyd-lyrics.com/html/us-and-them-dark-lyrics.html
Our world is full of these dichotomies, and others. I've written about my own struggles with my version of Us and Them, or rather Me and Them... My life vs every other seminarian who comes from other backgrounds... but supposedly we're all thrown into a much larger melting pot soon enough and we all soon become just seminarians focused on the mission, leaving behind our former identities...
It's the dichotomies that Roger Waters picks out in the last two quatrains that get to a different issue, and seem to play a bigger role in my life and everyone else's. I may have my own identity issues when it comes to seminary, but my identity as a person who grew up poor and came close to being homeless as an adult is very real to some, and shouldn't be. I need to focus less on the 'Them' at the seminary and more on the 'Them' in our world, on our streets, and in our hearts.
What I'm getting at is that the 'Us' in this dichotomy is those of us who are privileged enough to attend seminary, much less a university.
On the privilege scale, I'm pretty high up there. I'm a college-educated straight white male who is able-bodied and a Christian. I'm married to a working wife who brings home enough money to put food in our bellies and fuel in the gas tank. I attend a private graduate-level institution and my job prospects after graduation are quite high. I'm very privileged and very blessed for all that I have, and I am very thankful for all that I have and am able to have.
The 'Them' in this dichotomy is those that have less than the above description. Take any of those basic, fundamental descriptors away, and you have 'Them'... Those that live in deeper poverty without education; those who are people of color; anywhere else on the gender/sexual orientation spectrum; any other degree of ability; and any others who are of a different religion in this country. I have a lot of privilege in this country, and I'm very much aware of it. We each need to be aware of our own privilege, and realize the lack of privilege that others have, and fight for their rights as human beings.
David Gilmour (the greatest guitar player ever. IMHO) co-wrote On the Turning Away with drummer Nick Mason and it highlights and concludes my thoughts best. The last verse is my favorite, and truly drives it home:
No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away from the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?
http://www.pink-floyd-lyrics.com/html/on-the-turning-away-lyrics-lapse.html
So I'll work on my dichotomy of the seminary. We all need to work on our dichotomy of our world. I like to think that those of us going into ordained ministry need to focus less on the Great Commission, the face of Christ after the Passion, but instead focus more on the face of Christ before the Passion; the face of Christ that healed the sick, clothed the naked, and fed the hungry. Their souls are already saved. It's time to save their lives.
Amen.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I hope...
That's the first 7 letters in Hebrew, and thus, my full-time seminary journey has begun. Along with Hebrew, I'm taking a class taught by the same professor on the Pentateuch. I'm also taking a class entitled Reading the Audiences, and a Children, Youth and Family class to add to my CYF repertoire.
So far, it's clear I'm no longer the only one in the class that understands religion (I sure hope so eh?). In the past, there have been a few people in my classes at SCSU that would spout some religious rhetoric, and I am no means an expert on the subject, but I feel that I had a better hold on religion than most of my other classmates at SCSU. Welcome to the state school environment eh?
Saint Cloud State University is the second largest public university in Minnesota with 17,000+ students, second only to the school less than a mile away from me, the University of Minnesota. SCSU only has a Religious Studies minor, and there were only a handful that acquired such a minor, and I wasn't one of them. Our Lutheran Campus Ministry only had a handful of active students. The Catholic Student Community had 30-50 active students, and from my point of view, it seemed that Cru and ChiAlpha were the two more active Christian student ministries, maybe averaging >100 students. My point being is that even with the fundamental/evangelical groups, even they didn't have a large portion of the students. Even including the Muslims and other religious groups on campus, I would make an educated guess that less than half of the total students were active in a worshiping community. That would be an interesting statistic to figure out...
What am I trying to say? I'm in a totally different world, and I think that's the point. I'm now in classes with people who have also been active in church all their lives. Upon asking some my classmates, about 90% of those that I've asked have come from Christian private schools, mainly St. Olaf, Augustana, Augsburg, Gustavus, Concordia, and Bethel. So what?
What does their undergrad mean anyway? What does MY undergrad mean anyway?
I could have been one of them. I was accepted at Concordia when I wasn't accepted at UMM. I could have acquired my beanie and cobber ring. But... Life happened and I went another route. I know plenty of fine people with a fine private school education, including my lovely sister-in-law.
And this my friends, is what bothers me. There's nothing inherently wrong with getting a world-class education at a fine ELCA or other private school. And yet, I cringe when someone tells me they got their degree from one of those fine schools. Why do I do that? I remember pleading with a now-Cobber freshman to change his mind to go across the street to MSUM.
I think it hails back to that humility piece. According to a St. Olaf grad in my class, those that self-proclaim themselves as having gone to St. Olaf actively talk about themselves more than others, as opposed to having a Cobber ring to proclaim their undergrad.
There's a certain amount of pride for one's Alma Mater, I understand that. I guess I feel inherently lower than those with private education. I feel inherently behind in the realm of seminary; that my 4 years of active LCM service, 4 years of Youth Ministry work, and humble beginnings will never amount to their experiences.
Yeah, I had two independent studies with a former Rabbi. Yeah, I kinda learned Hebrew and learned something new about Martin Luther. These people had years of Hebrew and Greek. They went on many mission trips across the globe. Their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were pastors...
And yet, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one who has a public school education. I'm not the only one who lived life before. I'm not the only one who has a child, a spouse, or a car loan. Yes, some went to an ELCA private college on their parents' dime, saw the world on their parents' dime, going to seminary on their parents' dime...
But somehow... I take pride (but not too much) in my own journey, and I think that's also the point. Just because they have their more expensive education, doesn't mean that my public school education is invalidated.
My three years of bumming around Minnesota after high school, meeting Tiffany in Moorhead, attending MSUM for two semesters, SCSU for six more, raising a child, all the while in poverty... makes me stronger somehow, I hope.
My diverse education (in underwater basket-weaving according to my father) with some classes not found at private schools, experiences with LCM, and struggles with uncertainty make me stronger somehow, I hope.
We all struggle, we all have pain, we all are human, and again, we're all here for the same purpose: To serve God. The professors tell us that during our first year we're all chewed up, the second year we're all put back together again, only to be chewed up again during our internship, and hopefully we end up put back together by graduation.
Seminary is transformative. What better way to see how I change than this dated material called a blog. As soon as I hit this 'Publish' button, it is written in time.
Time... Another blog post soon to come...
Amen.









